The notice board at the Adventurer’s Guild tells a story.
guest story by Reluctant-Ronin
tags: anti-monarchism, orc, transformation
Adventurer’s Guild Change of Registration Form
NAME: Far’ella Merrymeadow ORIGINAL CLASS: Elf Healer NEW CLASS: Orc Barbarian Babe REASON FOR CHANGE: Cursed by evil wizard; unable to remove since I was the party’s only healer and we're too poor to bribe a priest.
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Adventurer’s Guild Change of Registration Form
NAME: Far’ella Merrymeadow ORIGINAL CLASS: Elf Healer NEW CLASS: Orc Barbarian Babe REASON FOR CHANGE: Cursed by evil wizard; unable to remove since I was the party’s only healer and we're too poor to bribe a priest.ADDENDUM: Honestly, though, I don’t really mind staying this way. Pummeling monsters into submission beats the hells out of twiddling my thumbs until someone needs a curative spell. Plus these abs are to die for!
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HELP WANTED: SEASONED ADVENTURING PARTY SEEKS NEW HEALER
I’ll cut to the chase: ever since our old healer got turned into an orc, her libido has been out of control; she’s been banging all of us nonstop, and we’re exhausted. She’s doing more damage to us than the monsters!
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HELP WANTED: PARTY SEEKS EXPERTISE ON CURSES
So apparently the curse that turned our original healer into an orc is contagious. Every time a new mage joins the party, they end up changing into a horny goblin. If anyone knows how to counteract this spell, please advise.
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HELP WANTED: PARTY SEEKS EXPERTISE ON CURSES [UPDATE]
So apparently the curse that turned our original healer into an orc is contagious. Every time a new mage joins the party, they end up changing into a horny goblin. If anyone knows how to counteract this spell, please advise. ADDENDUM: Guys, for the love of the Goddess, please respond via this notice board. Do NOT attempt to contact us in person, I beg of you! We’re up to our damn eyeballs in randy goblins, and I think it’s starting to go to Far’ella’s head.
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CONTRACT
Orc Warlord Far’ella Skullcrusher and her goblin army wanted ALIVE for conduct unbecoming of an adventurer, public indecency, general debauchery, adventuring without guild approval, and failure to pay guild fees. Magic users need not apply.
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DOWN WITH THE ADVENTURER’S GUILD!
The current leadership of the Adventurer’s Guild is guilty of discrimination against nonhumans and supporting a corrupt monarchy! Additionally, its excessive fees and regulations are antithetical to the heroic spirit of adventure! Sign this petition to support Far'ella Skullcrusher's campaign to CRUSH the corruption and tyranny of the Adventurer's Guild! With your help, we can restore adventuring to its honorable, respectable, independent roots! (Please use green ink if you wish to join her goblin mob.)
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And so it came to pass that Far’ella Skullcrusher and her allies overthrew the Adventurer’s Guild. Adventurers now fought for the benefit of humanity and monsterkind alike, rather than to enforce the will of monarchs and aristocrats. Thus began a New Age of Heroism.
The End
Editor’s Note: Reluctant-Ronin originally posted this on twitter as an epistolary tweetfic; I begged him to let me format it into a post and host it here, alongside his other stories. It’s very much my jam—and it gave me an excuse to finally make “anti-monarchism” a tag!